I found myself wondering around!!!

Didn't know it could hurt this much... it's not a hurt that I linger to have but it's there and it's not going away.... I have meant to stop it at whatever cost but I still love my life and everything is in it... but it still hurts like hell...

I have been in the darkness and saw light again... my life had changed and everything went to crumbles once again.... how can I stop something I acceded to in the first place???

I might be going crazy... can't stop crying... I can't even see the light that once had embrace my life not long ago... I don't want to give that much of a thought....

I just want everything as it used to be... even if that means I might get stuck on the way.... they said it wasn't going to be easy.... they told me this was the way... but they forgot to advice me that the hurt might be unbearable most of the journy.... how can I just go back to the way things were???

I'm getting tired of being so damned special... I'm getting tired of just letting things flow.... My inner me, as she might still be alive says everything might be all right.... I just want this stupid hurt to ease and the pain to go away....

I do miss my companionss... I do miss my angel... the one who woke me in the mornings & was the last thing I saw at night... I'm jsut getting tired all over again.... why didn't they tell me that this hurt was the only thing I would have left in order to find my way once again???

I know I'm strong and can beat anything... I did it before.... I know I'm not alone... but I just feel empty.. .without joy... without happiness to bear this feeling and just make my days go by... I'm forgetting how to stop crying and see the positive side of things, I might be crazy... I said it before... but I'm just getting tired of this stupid charade...

Why did I had to be so damn special... just be growing day by day... for what... I just need to see light.... Please help me.... I don't have anywhere to run anymore.... I don't have dreams.... I forgot how to fly.... I just want the light to come back to my life...

Why should I feel this empty I know the outcome... and probably that's something I don't want to see anymore.... I just want to be normal... but what is normal in this trival life???

I'm getting tired of this charade... I'm getting tired of pretending something I'm not... I'm just tired that people doesn't understand where I'm standing as we speak.... I don't feel alone... since I know I will never be... I just feel an empty growing inside me!!!

How can I stop this??
PLEASE HELP ME!!!

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